Poetry Corner

Being a messed up teen I did what alot of teens do, I wrote poetry. It was my way of trying to express what was going on in my head, thoughts I couldn’t explain and feeling I couldn’t find words for. Writing poems often distracted me from urges to self harm, and helped me communicate to others what I couldn’t say out loud. Here’s a selection of the poems I wrote way back when, they’re not masterpieces by any means but they served their purpose in helping me. If anyone has anything they’d like to share please do so.

Inside

Outside I smile

Outside I’m happy

Outside I’m normal

Where food is to solve hunger

Knives are to cut bread

Darkness is when night falls

Life comes before death.

Inside I cry

Inside I’m many

Inside I’m horrible and evil and bad

Where food is for binging

Knives solve pain

Darkness is life

My life is dead.

Outside people talk to someone

I never figured out who

Outside I’m known, respected, sometimes feared

Outside people know me

Outside I’m even loved

People know me by sight

People relate to my voice.

Inside no one talks to me

I live my life alone

Inside I’m a stranger, hated and ignored

Inside no one knows me

Inside no one cares

People don’t recognise if they see

People cringe when they hear.

 

Untitled

The lightning shows

The thunder rolls

Inside I plea

I wish.

The night moon glows

The sun unfolds

And still I hide

I sleep.

To feel one way

To understand

In opposition

I feel.

For love to hate

From fear to fight

The clouds uncover

I breathe.

The silence rings

The noise falls deaf

the compass fails

I reign.

From young to old

The old then die

From void to death

I am.

 

Forgiveness

Nobody will forgive me

They say there’s nothing for them to forgive

They don’t understand the heartache

The reasons I struggle to live

If nobody will forgive me

How can I find my peace?

They say it’s me who needs to forgive myself

Then my pain will slowly cease

There’s a theory about why I hurt

That I believe myself to be lower than dirt

But that I’m lovely person and can’t I see

Why so many people tend to love me?

And yet I still seek forgiveness

For something I didn’t even do

It’s funny how it can twist your mind

And place the blame solely on you.

So where can I find my forgiveness?

Maybe they’re right and I must look inside

Maybe the one person who’s judging me

Is the one person from whom I can’t hide

So after this revelation

I must find the strength to live

And yet I still struggle on with my search

For someone who will forgive.

 

The Flower

Crimson rivers of flowing guilt

The flower grows, the flower wilts

Ashamed of it’s pettles

It hides from the sun

Not getting the light

It needs to go on.

I am the flower and I am ashamed.

The guilt flows through me

I’m only a name

Inside I’m hollow

But no one will see

For the smile stays on

As if it’s me

Crimson rivers of flowing guilt

The flower was growing, but now begins to wilt

Ashamed of myself. I hide from the sun

Not getting the help

I need to move on.

 

Perfect Sense

Colours swirling

Merging and spinning

Walls are swaying

Pictures dancing

Tables and chairs rocking

Completely shocking

What to do in this situation?

Do I laugh or do I cry

At this complication

Affecting my minds eye

If I’m living then I’m bleeding

If I’m healing then I’m dying

That’s backwards to everyone else

But to me it make’s perfect sense

To live is to be alive

To get by is to merely survive

I survive my days and live by night

When the blood flows

Till I turn out the light

Then the guilt sinks in

It suffocates me

Will they understand my reasons

Or will they disagree?

I’ll have to try and make them see

If I’m living then I’m bleeding

If I’m healing then I’m dying

That’s backwards to everyone else

But to me it makes perfect sense.

 

A Dream to Live

No one can see much

It’s as if they’re all blind

No one could guess

What goes on in my mind

The shouting is more than

I can sometimes bear

But no one can hear it

And they don’t care

To live in laughter

What glorious bliss

To live purely in love

No hate or confusion

To take as you give

No catches or illusion

To see only what’s real

No hallucination or delusion

T enjoy life

No pain or strife

No struggle inside

No reason to hide

How I would love to just Live.

 

Intergration

 

Head throbbing

Eyes burning

Stomach clenching

Hands Shaking

Chest heaving

Ears ringing

Thoughts spinning

Feelings racing

Mind split

Intergrating

Pictures Flashing

Voices cry

Screaming pleading

Asking why

Never stopping

Cannot rest

Finding Strength

To pass this test

Pain pulses underneath

Scratching nails

and biting teeth

Time racing

Time Stopped

How much gained?

How much lost?

 

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